i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
