i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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