stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
