I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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