so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
