The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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