what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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