dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
