alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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