i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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