I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize