I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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