Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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