see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
