More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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