I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
