Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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