Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
