Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
