So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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