So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
