Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
