Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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