You're earring is so big in my mouth
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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