It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
