Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
