it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
