I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
