new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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