oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
