What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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