There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
