i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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