Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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