We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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