Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
