Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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