ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize