3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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