I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
