If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I deserve this hangover.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
