so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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