Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
