My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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