he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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