I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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