***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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