I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
