He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
