I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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