4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
