Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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