I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
never play flip cup with pint glasses
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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