Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
