Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
