Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
