You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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