girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
