I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
