So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
