Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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