Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
