Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
