Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
