Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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