why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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