someone threw a dead crab at me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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