some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
