i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
pray to the hookup gods
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
