if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
