good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
