it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
