I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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