Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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