I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
